blog
7/19/2025
you're fired!
firing myself as a webkeeper omg i kinda forgot about this??? idk i hyperfixate on things and then they completely disappear from my scope of interest or even thought. going to try to not let that happen here because it took me sooo long to figure this out!
anyways...whats up with me...got back from camping yesterday which was a lot of fun. we got to the site pretty late so it was dark and we couldn't start a fire because it had rained. we literally ended up getting mcdonalds because the camp stove also didn't work. all fine but i'm a little sad i didnt get to eat a smore. we did a fun hike the next day to a waterfall which was sooo pretty and the weather was PHENOM.
i've been trying to get more on top of things with my studying and my work and also the gym which is partially why this fell to the back burner (and will likely stay there...). it feels good to have some more routine and to be practicing discipline but i have had to say no to more which is sad but i still get to do lots.
it is also my birthday next week and goose's two year gotcha day on tuesday...i've got to figure out what i want to do for him and for my own. hmmm...
7/11/2025
free slushee day!
YAY it's 7/11 day which means free slushees at 7/11. i wonder if that's a thing everywhere...i went to a 7/11 in sweden and it was soooo boujie they had a person making the sandwiches fresh. i don't know if i'll actually end up getting my free slushee today because my dad and grandma are coming to visit me. should be an interesting weekend.
i'm glad they were able to come since now i don't have to go "home"...those were my terms lol. and i think my grandma is gonna have so much fun being here and eating all the yummy food. i really wish i was nicer to her growing up. i think it's normal kid stuff but i just didn't really think about my parents or grandparents as real full people until a couple of years ago. thinking about them in this more holistic view has made things a lot harder in some regards as i'm now just thinking about them a lot more in general, but in deepening this relationship in my mind i have been able to get closer with both of my parents and my grandma. it doesn't undo all the prickly stuff but that's all a part of it.
when i was first making this site i had an idea for a page called "womb doom" because i really do so much ruminating about being a daughter and a mother and a parent and blahhh it's like my #1 thing. i think that would be a horrible page bc what ???? but it'll likely come up a lot here. maybe my law school personal statement will quote my blog (insert sarcastic heart eyes)
7/7/2025
i feel like i'm being tested...
in the lobby of my apartment building there's a table where people leave food deliveries. pretty often stuff gets left there for hours or even days. recently, every time i've seen something not get picked up and it's from somewhere i like, i look at the order and it's exactly what i would get. it's like they want me to take their food, even though now i don't want it because it's been sitting there for HOURS. it's just so weird that it keeps happening. it feels spiteful or something idk idk.
getting my haircut today THANK GOD...been feeling way to normal recently. need to be more alluring and confusing. i feel very neutral about the whole situation i don't take my hair very seriously anymore. it's weird, growing up i was so anal about who cut my hair, what i did with it, etc and then i cut it all off once and realized how much more fun that was. love to switch up my avatar and lowkey i'll let anyone cut my hair these days. it also helps that it grows soooo fast.
i'm doing the thing today tho where i feel unable to do anything before my mid-day appointment. that doesn't normally happen to me but i can't escape it. this website is a trap because it feels mildly productive but ITS NOT. also i keep realizing when clicking around on here that i am very inconsistent in capitalization. need to NICHE DOWN and pick an aesthetic lol. anyways...i should probably go do something else now.
7/6/2025
ipad babies & the elderly
i'm reading "The Vegetarian" by Han Kang right now (stay tuned for media log) and it is talking a lot about dreams. i'm only 20 pages in so i'm not spoiling anything but basically this woman has really violent dreams about bloody meat and then becomes a vegetarian. i like it so far but am not a big fan of the font...i think i can get over that though.
in my dreams last night there was a lot of chasing. in one of them, i left my stuff on the train and was on the next one trying to catch up to the first one...which really makes no sense. i ended up getting the stuff but it as because someone had taken it off and given it to a last and found. in another dream i don't really remember the context but i know i had to swim to a certain point by a certain time. i was swimming and running. i LOVE to run in my dreams...i don't have the weird thing where you're running but not moving. instead, it feels like normal running but so light and easy and free. it always makes me want to run in real life and sometimes i do but it never feels like that.
i was at the park this morning walking goose and an older lady that i always see was there. she is always walking around looking at her phone that is playing some video or game out loud and isn't very aware of what's going on. idk what her situation is and no hate to her, but it made me think about my generation and younger i-pad babies...i feel like it's easy to imagine i-pad toddlers becoming college students and young adults (or i feel like a lot of that has already happened) but it's hard to imagine them as elderly people. i hang out with a few older people (60+) and they have modern technology in their lives and it's interesting to hear about that shift. but it's so hard to imagine what it will be like when the oldest living people have grown up with it. so bizarre and freaky and i don't like it. it's not the image of older people being "that way" but just what it represents. just scary to think about how much things may change by that point. i mean we're living through pretty insane changes right now so how much worse can it get in 50 years.
7/5/2025
first entry woo!
i have been a bedroom gremlin all day...unfortunate because it was so nice out but i made a lot of progress on here today so i feel good about that. i'm lowkey regretting telling all of my real life friends about this because now i'm kinda limited in what i can share on here...sorry probably no juicy gossip. i guess that's the price you pay for community (and needing validation for doing things)!
speaking of friends, i was with some last night and met some new people and we talked about dreams and dream journaling. i said that i have super vivid dreams and i really don't think they mean anything, but they were trying to tell me otherwise. i just really can't get on board with that because they're so random. like obviously if i'm thinking a lot about something, it's more likely to show up in my dreamscape but i don't think every single dream has meaning. i think the idea of a dream journal could be fun but moreso a waste of time because i have so many dreams and a pretty good memory. idk idk maybe that's something i'll do here. i love talking about dreams i think it's so fun even if i think its nonsense. my ex one time told me that it's the most selfish thing to talk about dreams??? i think that's such a weird and wrong take...i love to hear other people's dreams.
UGH just remembered i still need to fold my laundry...i finally brought it upstairs after leaving it in the dryer for maybe three hours, but then i didn't fold it.
also, i made an eye doctor appt for next week since doing this has either caused an issue or pointed out one that already existed because my EYES HURT SO BAD. i hope they can help and don't just say to not go on my computer so much because everything i have to do for work and school is on this thing...